"HOWDY FOLKS! The name's Zeke Balsted. During my youth,
I was a Pony Express Rider. Gather around, fellow Toastmasters and guests, and let me tell you about my most exciting adventure
I had as a pony express rider, as I tells you the legend of United States Marshal, Clemuel P. River. Now Marshal
River had the darndest red hair anyone in Oklahoma City had ever seen. And so, folks just
nicknamed him Red--Red River. I reckon the story takes place a few years after the war between
the states, right there in Oklahoma City. My boss, Zedediah Sims, called me in for a special assignment. No Beauregard Clagmont
was the richest man in Oklahoma City in them days. He, and his daughter Annabelle Clagmont wanted to start up an orphanage
down yonder in Fort Worth, Texas. But, that required transferring a very large payroll from Oklahoma City, clear across the
river and valley with no name, and down into the City of Fort Worth, Texas; without it being
intercepted by outlaws. And so the next day I set out on my journey, carrying that there payroll in my mail pouch. But, as
I was making my way across that river and valley with no name, I spotted Annabelle Clagmont
off to my right a wavin' at me. And so, I began to ride my horse over in her direction, unawares that off to my left, hidin'
behind some rocks on the hillside, were them thievin' varments, the Samuelson Brothers! They were wanted in six states, for
Train Robbery, Stage Coach Robbery, and every other kind of highway robbery they could put their grub-grabbers on. There were
three Samuelson Brothers all together: LEE, HARVEY, AND OSWALD (OLD LEE HARVE, AND OSSIE FOR SHORT). As Harve and Ossie Samuelson
pointed their gun barrells in my direction, and began pulling back on the trigger, two shots rang out from nowhere and Harve
and Ossie went tumbling down the hillside deader than casket nails. Then I looked behind me, and low and behold, it was Red
River shootin' away, ridin' side saddle!
Yee-hee-hee-hee! And so Lee Samuelson turned away from
me and started shootin' at Red River! That's when I jumped off my horse, rolled around on
the ground once or twice, got a shot off myself, and Lee went a tumbling down the hillside after his other two bushwacking
brothers. Well, that was the end of the Samuelson Brothers. But, not before one of Lee Samuelson's bullets had hit its mark.
As I looked over at Annabelle Clagmont, she was kneeling down next to poor old Red River
Lying there dead. And so, I buried the Marshal that day in the valley with no name. And then, Annabelle Clagmont and I got
that there payroll safe and sound to Fort Worth Texas, and a lot of Young'n's never went without food or shelter again. But
none of that would have been possible, if it hadn't been for the heroics of Red River that
day in the valley with no name. And, because of that, that there river and valley with no
name, now has a name--THE RED RIVER, AND THE RED RIVER
VALLEY. And that there's the 'Legend of Clemuel P. River' "