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CYBERVANIA.

The Man on the Flying Trapeze Gets Blackballed.

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Joe Magarac (Narrates):

I remember! Ho-ho! I remember, the first time anyone was ever blackballed from the "Brotherhood of American Folklore Legends." It all started in the 1890's at our 2nd Annual Brotherhood of American Folkore Legends Campout, during the annual business meeting. Present were people like Pecos Bill, John Henry, the railrroad worker; Gib Morgan, the oilman; and of course, myself. My name is Joe Magarac of the early American Steel Industry. You might say that I was "The Man of Steel" long before Superman was just an idea. The President and eldest member of The Brotherhood was Moses Humphries, better known as "Big Mose the Fireman." He was now retired. I mean, he was the only one of us around when James Madison was President. He was just about to call the Annual Business Meeting to order. Fellow Toastmasters, Honored Guests, and Dignataries; This is where our story and dramatization begins.

Big Mose:

Simmer down. Simmer down! Simmer down, dag nabit, I'm trying to call this here meeting to order. Oh, you are simmered, okay! Brother Pecos Bill, I understand we have a new applicant to The Brotherhood of American Folklore Legends. Would you like to introduce him please.

Pecos Bill:

Why it'll be my pleasure Big Mose. We have here the greatest circus performer who ever lived--Signor Bona Slang, better known as "The Man on the Flying Trapeze!" Why they even wrote a song about him. It goes somethin' like this. "He flies through the air...."

Big Mose:

.....We know, Pecos! We know! "Flies through the Air with the greatest of ease," and all that fiddlee-foo-foo! Well Signor Slang, what makes you think you're all fit and proper to be part of this here brotherhood?

Signor Bona Slang:

Well, Senor Big Mose, I thin' Senor Pecos Bill said it all. But, I brought along my trapeze for a demonstration.

Big Mose:

That won't be necessary Signor Slang. I've been reading some of the lyrics of this here song they wrote about you. It says here that you stole the heart of a young lady away from her young lover, and his life has never been the same. He seems to be the one telling the story here. It also says you took her away from family, and since then, her father's been doing some sighing, and her mothers been doing some crying. [slams can on lecturn] Slang, you dad-dern snake! I wouldn't have you in this outfit as uh...as uh... "Brotherhood Flea-picker!" Nope! Nope! Nope! No I wouldn't! Nope! Nope! You're blackballed sir! Understand me? Blackballed!

Mighty Casey:

Point of order, Mr. Chairman!

Big Mose:

The chair recognizes out Botherhood Parliamentarian, Mighty Casey, the ball player. But, make it snappy, Sonny! I'm trying to blackball somebody, without spittin' out my teeth!

Mighty Casey:

Well that's just it, Big Mose, you can't blackball anybody. It has to be motioned out here on the floor, seconded, discussed, and voted on by majority vote. But, I'd be glad to make the motion to blackball this "Circus Cad."

Captain Stormalong:

Aye, Big Mose! And it be I who seconds the motion!

Big Mose:

It's beeen motioned by Brother Mighty Casey, the ball player; that we blackball Sr. Bona Slang from the brotherhood. And, it has beeen seconded by Brother Stormalong. ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? Good! ARE THERE ANY DISCUSSIONS? Good! All those in favor of blackballing Sr. Bona Slang from the brotherhood, say aye!

Everyone:

AYE!

Big Mose:

All those opposed? [pause]

Well, Signor Slang, consider yourself blackballed! However, your record as being the Greatest Circus Performer who ever lived, has not exactly escaped the brotherhood. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you one chance, and one chance only to come back and reapply next year. If you restore that young lady unto her family, and her jilted lover, you can come back next year, and we'll accept you into the brotherhood with open arms! But until then, SERGEANT AT ARMS! Brother Paul Bunyan, would you show our blackballed Sna--Ah--Ah mean guest the highway? The brotherhood way?

Paul Bunyan:

[deep voice] Why, it'll be my pleasure Big Mose! Right this way, Sr. Slang!

Joe Magarac:

And as Signor Bona Slang took one big look up at the big burley lumberjack....

Signor Bona Slang:

Aye, carrumba!

Joe Magarac:

...the lumberjack picked up the circus performer, wrapped his Trapeze around him [ripcord tug] and spun Signor Bona Slang around like a top. And he spun away from camp for hundreds of miles, digging out a long sidewinding trench as he went. [buzzzzzzzzzzzz] And after a couple of wet seasons, that trench quickly filled up with water, and for some reason, it never did dry out again. Who can figure Mother Nature sometimes? But anyway, Signor Slang did just what Big Mose told him to do, and the girl, the jilted lover, and her family all lived happily ever after. And the very next year, Signor Bona Slang, The Greatest Circus Performer who ever lived, took his rightful place in The Brotherhood of American Folklore Legends. And so ends today's story, OF HOW THE "SNAKE RIVER" CAME INTO BEING.

Mr. Toastmaster.

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