Three Blubbering Giants

Two Major Home Cities:
Tributes to Late Relatives.


The name's Magarac--Joe Magarac. Yes, the popular American Folklore Legend of the Early American Steel Mills, that Joe Magarac. Now, you might even say that I was called the "Man of Steel" long before Clark Kent was even an idea. A lot of that is because, I was made of steel ore myself, but that's beside the point. Fellow Toastmasters, Honored Guests and Dignataries; I remember the day before our Sixth Annual Brotherhood of American Folklore Legends, when we gathered together somewhere in the bowels of Southern California to mourn the deathd of two of our brothers: John Henry and Big Mose the Fireman. Mighty Casey, the Vice President called the meeting to order, and immediately gave control of this special meeting to our president, Brother Pecos Bill.

Mighty Casey:

Alright you all, simmer down and sit down so we can hear what Bill has to tell us. Brother Pecos.

Pecos Bill:

Much oblidged Casey! Now y'all pay attention. Y'all remember that there race Brother John Henry was going to have with that there steam drill? Well, he won! But, I'm afraid the exercise was just a bit much for him. As for our other friend, Big Mose the Fireman, I'm afraid old ages has up and lassoed him for good. Our two brothers have gone up yonder to be united with Johnny Appleseed and Davy Crockett, up in the "Sweet By and By."

Joe Magarac:

Well, we were all naturally very sad to here about the passing of our two friends, ESPECIALLY THOSE THREE BLUBBERING GIANTS. There was Paul Bunyan, the best lumberjack of them all; Captain Alfred Bulltop Stormalong, the greatest American Seaman ever to sail the seas; and of course, Gib Morgan; who towered over every oil rig he ever brought in a gusher with. Paul Bunyan was the first one to speak.

Paul Bunyan:

s is the saddest thing that's happened to me since there was no more timber to be cut down in the Northern Timberlands!


Aye, Paul Bunyan...

Joe Magarac:

....said Stormalong;...


....this be the saddest thing that's happened to me, since that time I had to swaller the anchor, and take up farmin' in Utah.

Joe Magarac:

Then Gib Morgan chimed in with his giant, resonant voice!

Gib Morgan:

This is sad, really sad; almost as sad as that day I almost didn't strike oil! [wails]

Joe Magarac:

And they all three started balling. Even Babe, Paul Bunyan's Blue Ox took it all very hard.

Babe the Blue Ox:

[ox wail]

Joe Magarac:

And, there giant salty tears splashed on the ground, forming this big salty puddle, which just kept getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger. and bigger! The landscape was shifting this way and that! Trees were being uprooted everywhere! I WAS BEGINNING TO RUST! And by the time those three blubbering giants, and that big blue blubbering ox got all that mourning out of their system, there was a big salty puddle alright; miles and miles wide in each direction, and over sixty feet deep! Well, so ended a typical day of mourning. And after a nice liesurely spitshine from Sluefoot Sue, we began out normal campout festivities.

Well [claps hands together], this ends today's tale, of HOW THE SALTON SEA WAS BORN ITP EXISTENCE IN THE BOWELS OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, IN 1907.

Madam Toastmaster.

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